The series, Love On The Spectrum had many binge watching the first season to learn who, if any would end up in relationships and anxious parents following along to see just what experiences they would go through when their young autistic adult decides to enter this phase in their lives. Our certified PEERS relationship coaches were keen to watch as the PEERS program is featured strongly in the program as well. What the show brought up for me, however, was what lessons were missing that would prove valuable for these young adults and the ones watching. Most young adults on the spectrum are vulnerable in many areas – a key one being decoding intent and motivation and as more and more on-line dating apps become available.
For me the key lessons that could and should be taught in dating and relationship coaching sessions regarding on-line dating would be:
Protect your finances – never respond to any request to send money, especially overseas or via wire transfers and any such request should be reported to a trusted individual. We see these requests often, the person ‘befriends’ and then claims to have an emergency and our young adults are driven in many cases, to help. Take the time to explain about what wiring money means; it’s like sending cash with no protection to the sender against loss. Tracing and reversing the transaction is virtually impossible.
Protect your personal information – Teaching never to provide things like your social security number, credit card information, bank information or your home and work address to people you don’t know, especially if you have not met them in person. Remember, Facebook and social media ‘friends’ are not truly friends – unless you have an in-person relationship with them.
Become Internet savoy – don’t hesitate to block and/or report suspicious users. Know that what you put out there on the web (chats and photos) can become widespread. If it is something you would never want you mom to see or read, then think twice about doing it. Suspicious behavior includes:
Requesting sexual photographs
Asking for money or donations
Sending offensive, bullying or harassing messages
Spam or invitations to call 1-900 number or attempts to sell you products or services
Then comes the in-person meeting, as if on-line dating was not stressful enough! The key tips would include:
Take the time to get to know the other. Always meet and stay in a public place. Never agree to meet in a private or remote location. It is also not a wise move to meet at your living space and if you feel any pressure from your date, that’s your internal signal to end the date and leave.
Always tell your friends and family what your plans are when meeting an on-line date, not just the first time but each time until your foundation is built. Let them know what time and where you’re going. Consider turning on ‘find my phone’, be sure that your phone is fully charged and on you at all times.
Provide your own transport – this is key. Be in charge of your own transportation. This is important in the event the date does not work out.
Avoid alcohol and drugs. It is key not to lose your or impair your judgement which could potentially put you in danger. Keeping a clear mind allows you to be more aware of risk. Also, be in charge of your drink/beverage at all times. Sadly, there are those that can slip something into it.
Dating and having romantic relationships are a fundamental human experience for all and for those on the spectrum and with learning challenges this can be a time filled with anxiety and fear, but with the right coaching this can be a fun and exciting time as well.